The continuous clicking sound of the clock reminds me all over and over again that being the most powerful man in the country , I am still not getting the person I want, somehow its hurting my pride and my heart?

Fuck..that thing...

The emotions is for the weak people not for me, I am not allowed to show

The weakness is a luxury which I can't afford I never born to afford that thing.

And guess what? I am used to it. That's the only one that made me survive still now.

The glass scattered in my palm, snapping me out of thought. I stared at my bleeding palm, which bleeding heavily due to the prick of glass pieces

But I don't give a fuck about that.

I never did..nor now..and never in future also maybe

Right now, I want something else, the person I am craving, the person my heart is craving to see, the person my body wants to feel, the person I want to touch..

But I am continuously failing, which makes me lose my mind day by day

It's been five years now, more than that

Still no sign of her..

Not a fucking single thing...

Damnnn itt....

The incident of five years ago still clear infront of my eyes like its happened few times ago..

The day I got to know that life is precious maybe? And destiny, maybe?

I have doubts about that still now..

Until I get her...

The day I learned that human life is precious, maybe?

The day I found a new meaning of living a new meaning of breathing

Five years ago..

The dark creepy night, too quiet, too peaceful not exactly, it's the weather before storm, the cold air brewing heavily, the cloud are threatening to cry.

But it's not compared to my inner turmoil, the fucking thing which belong in my left side it's too heavy today by a heavy grief, a hollowness.

In the past, the incidents of the past, the betrayals, the Murders, the losing of my loved ones in front of my eyes, the person who closed to my heart, the person I used to care from my childhood, but I lost, lost due to my fucking fate..

Today's date is the reminder of the past. It's like mocking me, making me remind me that I failed, that I can't do anything, there is no change about that.

It's not like I didn't do anything, I did, I make sure their death was slowly and painful, like exactly they deserve to bleed my heart. To snatch the only person away, the only one I used to care

But the inner beast of me still not satisfied, my inner devil still crave for more blood, more painful death..

The incident of eleven years ago, still fresh in my mind, the horrible day of my life, the day I can't forget, no matter how much I tried, everything failed, the therapies, the trainings...every fucking single thing..

I am driving recklessly, the screeching of tires it's echoing in the empty alley, the dusky wind making it hard to drive and maintain focus but I am too lost to care, my inner turmoil screaming to me to end all of this..

To end the constant pain, constant reminder of failure, to end of haunted past..

Enough it is...

My knuckles are turning white in rage, and my veins are popping through my hand, I was too lost in my rage that I didn't even notice the car coming from front until its headlight hit directly on my face make me lost my control on the car within a swift movement, I press the brakes hard and the impact of the situation hit hard, I jerk forward make my head hit hardly on steering wheel..

Everything seems to be stopped..the surrounding of me, the air.. I can only hear my pounding of my heart. The hot liquid started flow from my head.. make me faintly smile..

I won... this time, at least...

I was waiting for my life to slip away until the angelic voice hit my eardrums. The door of my car swing opened abruptly, making me lean back in my seat at groan in pain..

I didn't notice yet who opened the door. My eyes were too tired to open, my vision getting blurred, I was on my verge of passing out, but my inner soul was threatening me to give up, not like this, but why? Didn't I want this?

Then, the soft like feather hand touched me to check me if I was breathing or not

But unfortunately, yes, I am breathing

As I tried to open my eyes, my eyes finally opened somehow, and then I saw the most beautiful thing in front of me

"Her"

Despite my condition, I noticed how much beautiful she is, her dark brown eyes, long lashes, a cute sharp nose, and pinky kissable lips, which are now swollen from her constant biting of her own lip.. her chubby cheeks..

The heavy pouring of rain makes her drenched constantly, her hair is now drenched totally because of this fucking rain.

I noticed her panic expression, like someone her very own got hurt, she is trying to help me, looking for someone if anyone can provide help, but there is no chance now.. she tries to call ambulance but no answer..

The constant roaring of thunderstorms makes her shiver. Sometimes I notice, her hands are shaking, and due to panic, clearly she is sensitive, too much sensitive..

I tried to open my mouth to say something, but I can't say...

After that, I noticed she was looking for something in her bag..

Then she took out a " handkerchief"

A yellow handkerchief with cute little red hearts, she leaned closer to me to stop my bleeding on my forehead from her pure and clean handkerchief..

The closeness of us makes my breath got hitch in my throat, makes hard to stay still.. but I stay still..observing her very closely, noting her every expression, every movement.

One thing is clear that she is indeed an

"Angel"

She somehow managed to stop my bleeding with her pure handkerchief. Somehow, I am feeling guilty to ruin her perfect, pure, and clean handkerchief.

I was about to say something, but she stopped me..

" Shh!!! Don't say anything. Otherwise, it will hurt.

"It must be hurting, na?? Just a few more minutes. Ambulance is on the way,

Fuck..... in the first time in my life, I listened to someone, how can I deny to angel? Her voice is like heaven, like a piece of heaven..

Within a moment, the ambulance arrived and took me away from the angel..

I was fighting to stay alive, but one thing was clear in my mind now..

"I will be alive, i have to live

" For her."

I am not gonna die anytime soon now, absolutely not when I finally got the reason for living, for breathing again.

Not now, not ever..